Archive for May, 2011

Infidelity In Marriage

Sunday, May 15th, 2011 at 8:26 am  
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Jesus looked hard at them and said, “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.”
Matthew 19:26 (The Message)


Healing infidelity in marriage is never easy and doing it alone is just about impossible. As the above verse says, on your own it is impossible but you have every chance in the world when you put all your trust in God. I believe this whole heartedly because for the first 3 1/2 years I tried to heal from my husbands affair alone. I didn’t get anywhere in those years. I found that I was full of bitterness, resentment and anger and that I was killing my marriage, not making it better. No matter what I did I couldn’t seem to let go of all those negative thoughts and feelings. I started hating who I was becoming and I knew if I didn’t change that I would end up divorced and miserable for the rest of my life.

When someone first finds out about the infidelity in marriage the devastation is usually mind boggling. Your body is in shock and your emotions are all over the place. This is the worst time for anyone to make any kind of life altering decisions. Many times people make decisions based on their emotions and then years later they deeply regret these decisions. During the first year after finding out about the affair you should refrain from making any kind of life altering decision. At this time it’s very hard to see yourself in a happy marriage again and you’re so full of hurt that you in turn make bad choices.
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Forgiving Infidelity

Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011 at 8:02 pm  
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“No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.”
Romans 8:37 (New Living Translation)


Forgiving infidelity? How is that even possible? How can I even fathom forgiving my husband for this cruel and horrible thing he did to me? Was it even possible to forgive such an act? I really could not wrap my brain around the fact that he actually had an affair with this woman for the past year and yet here he sat telling me about it and wanting to stay married. All I could think of was that if the situation was reversed he would be long gone but yet he expected me to forgive him and move on? I had no idea if I really could do that or if I even wanted to do that.

To tell you the truth, I didn’t even think about forgiving me for over 2 years. I was too devastated and in too much pain to just let him off the hook like that. You see at the time I felt that forgiving him meant I was saying that the affair was okay with me and that everything was now hunky dory with us. But it wasn’t okay with me and I knew it never would be okay with me so why would I forgive him when it was NOT okay? It took me a long time to realize that forgiving infidelity really had nothing to do with my husband but everything to do with me. Forgiving my husband in no way meant that what he did was okay with me, what it really meant was that I agreed to no longer bring up the affair in a mean way that is meant to hurt him. We could still discuss the affair, but forgiving meant I would no longer ever throw it back in his face.
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