Featured Blog Posts

When There is a Child From an Affair

When There is a Child From an Affair This is probably the most difficult situation that can happen when a couple is trying to heal from an affair and believe it or not it is way more common than you may think. Truth be told, it is not impossible to heal from an affair when there is a child involved but I will say that it makes it SO much harder. There have been many marriages that have healed completely even though there was a child that resulted from the affair. The best thing to do in a situation like this is to rise above your own personal pain and put all your focus on what is best for the innocent child that is involved. I can’t... [Read More]

Why do Affair Partners Seem Perfect?

Why do Affair Partners Seem Perfect? You know, this is a really good question! Why do affair partners seem so perfect? I know back when I first found out about my husbands affair I felt the same exact way. She seemed to be everything I wasn’t. I felt that she was thinner and more attractive than I was. I felt that she was funnier, more outspoken and more desirable to be around than me. I saw her as something my husband really wanted and I saw myself as someone my husband wanted to throw away. When you feel like this then you are bound to have some severe self-esteem issues! It took me a long time to see things as they really were.... [Read More]

No Contact After An Affair

No Contact After An Affair I have been getting a lot of emails about having a wayward spouse still be in contact with the other person. This can be devastating to a betrayed spouse. Can you save a marriage that still has ongoing contact with the other person? This situation is usually where they work together so unless they quit their jobs, contact with the other person is unavoidable. There really isn’t any easy answer to this question. Most of the time, the betrayed spouse has to do some deep thinking and soul searching for their right answer. You have to really evaluate your situation and make a decision that is best for you. No... [Read More]

How Could They Do This To Me?

How Could They Do This To Me? The problem with thinking that they did this “to you” is that it implies intent which usually is not there. Usually, someone doesn’t wake up and think to themselves, “How can I really hurt my spouse today? I know, I’ll have an affair.” This rarely ever happens, instead they most likely are engaging in behaviors that ignite affairs though they seem so innocent at first. Usually they cross a boundary that they couldn’t see until it was too late. They usually feel they are “helping” the other person and that they are “just friends” and that they... [Read More]

What is “affair fog”anyway?

What is “affair fog” anyway?         This term is used by both experts and affair victims. It describes the euphoria that one feels when they are involved in an affair. Remember how it felt when you first fell in love? During this time, the one having an affair will rationalize their actions so that they can minimize their guilt. They will even take it so far as to “invent” reasons why they are having an affair to begin with. Healing the marriage is impossible while they are in this fog. The one having an affair will convince themselves that they’re in a bad marriage and/or that... [Read More]

Separation Doesn’t Have to Mean Hopelessness

Separation Doesn’t Have to Mean Hopelessness Who stood up for me against the wicked? Who took my side against evil workers? If God hadn’t been there for me, I never would have made it. The minute I said, “I’m slipping, I’m falling,” your love, God, took hold and held me fast. When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up. Psalm 94:16-19 (MSG)     If you and your spouse are separated right now this in no way means that it’s over! It’s never over till it’s over! A marriage is never over until divorce papers are signed. Many places require 6 months... [Read More]

Soul Mates and Emotional Affairs

“People with integrity walk safely, but those who follow crooked paths will slip and fall.” (Proverbs 10:9, NLT) Last year I had a Christian woman tell me she found her “soul mate.” I was more than intrigued since I knew she’d been married over 20 years. There were warning bells going off and I felt my stomach drop as she told me her story. I knew she was falling into an emotional affair and she was heading down a very slippery slope that never has a happy ending. Her church hired a new choir director and, as all affairs do, it started out very innocently. He would compliment her on her voice, giving her praise and attention every practice.... [Read More]

When Forgiveness Seems Impossible

When Forgiveness Seems Impossible Infidelity in Marriage – Dealing with the other woman and learning to forgive “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop.” Mark 11:25 (Amplified Bible) I found this online and just had to share this story with everyone. I hear many just like this one and it shows that true forgiveness really is possible through God. ________________________________________________ I stared at the e-mail in disbelief. Tears... [Read More]

Infidelity And Self-Esteem

Infidelity And Self-Esteem Body and soul, I am marvelously made! Psalm 139:14 (The Message) The actions of someone else never defines who we are and we never become less of a person because of the actions of our spouse’s. I get lots of emails stating how their self-esteem has taken a nose dive since finding out about their spouse’s affair. Mostly it’s women and many of them can’t help but think their husband’s are comparing them to the other woman every time they are being intimate. Many times the other woman was younger than them and had no children and they can’t help but think that their husband’s... [Read More]

Infidelity In Marriage

Jesus looked hard at them and said, “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.” Matthew 19:26 (The Message) Healing infidelity in marriage is never easy and doing it alone is just about impossible. As the above verse says, on your own it is impossible but you have every chance in the world when you put all your trust in God. I believe this whole heartedly because for the first 3 1/2 years I tried to heal from my husbands affair alone. I didn’t get anywhere in those years. I found that I was full of bitterness, resentment and anger and that I was killing... [Read More]

Forgiving Infidelity

“No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.” Romans 8:37 (New Living Translation) Forgiving infidelity? How is that even possible? How can I even fathom forgiving my husband for this cruel and horrible thing he did to me? Was it even possible to forgive such an act? I really could not wrap my brain around the fact that he actually had an affair with this woman for the past year and yet here he sat telling me about it and wanting to stay married. All I could think of was that if the situation was reversed he would be long gone but yet he expected me to forgive him and move on? I... [Read More]

Christian Affair Is No Small Affair

“Love does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.”1 Corinthians 13:6 (Amplified Bible) It does happen, the Christian affair. Infidelity can touch even the most religious of households. When you pull away from God and your spouse then you are letting yourself be vulnerable to a Christian affair. A while ago, I was with a woman and I watched her tears roll down her pretty face. A few months before I ever met her, her world seemed so perfect with a very loving husband and two great kids. Her life seemed so fun and full. [Read More]  Read More →

Do You Want To Know The Secret To Stopping Your Negative Thoughts?

Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:2 All our thoughts, whether good or bad, affect our mood and our attitudes. When all or most of our thoughts are negative, we find ourselves miserable and depressed. And when we are miserable, we make everyone around us miserable too. Now... [Read More]

Do You Know Where To Put Your Trust After An Affair?

But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. I praise God for what he has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? Psalm 56:3-4 (New Living Translation) When an affair has been discovered, trust is almost always shattered. It can splinter so horribly that it feels like it can never be restored again. You may even feel like you can no longer trust anyone or anything. After I found out about my husband’s affair, I didn’t even know what the word trust meant any more. I no longer viewed the world the way I did before the affair. Everything was skewed and distorted. Everyone I spoke to I no longer trusted. If someone I... [Read More]

Do You Feel That All Your Hope Is Gone?

But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.Isaiah 40:31 (Amplified Bible) After I found out about my husband’s year long affair, I was completely devastated and crushed. I found that my heart would race wildly, I was short of breath, my head felt full of cotton, and my heart felt like it had been torn to shreds. Really, words cannot describe the amount of pain I was in. I had never, in my life,... [Read More]

What Do You Do About A Damaged Self-Esteem?

Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant. Galatians 1:10 (New Living Bible) Something everyone faces in life is rejection and it comes in many different forms but having your spouse cheat on you is the worst type of rejection one can face. An affair can hugely damage ones self-esteem. I know that before I found out about my husband’s affair, I didn’t hate myself. I didn’t think I was a bad wife, a bad mother, a bad friend or even a bad person. But, after I found out about the affair, this all changed. [Read More]  Read More →

What Do You Do When Your Spirit Has Been Broken?

The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a crushed spirit. Proverbs 18:14 (New Living Translation) The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18 (New Living Translation) I remember feeling that my very soul had died. I guess what I was really feeling was a broken spirit. I know I felt like I had been shattered into pieces. I really felt that I couldn’t go on. I was severely depressed and thoughts of suicide did enter into my mind. The pain that was inside of me was just too much for me to bear and I felt like giving up. Death, to me, seemed better than this never ending... [Read More]

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