Infidelity And Self-Esteem
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
Infidelity And Self-Esteem
Psalm 139:14 (The Message)
The actions of someone else never defines who we are and we never become less of a person because of the actions of our spouse’s. I get lots of emails stating how their self-esteem has taken a nose dive since finding out about their spouse’s affair. Mostly it’s women and many of them can’t help but think their husband’s are comparing them to the other woman every time they are being intimate. Many times the other woman was younger than them and had no children and they can’t help but think that their husband’s are comparing their older child bearing bodies to that of the other woman’s younger childless bodies.
I have been there! My husband’s other woman was the same age of me and she had 3 kids and I had 2 and we were the same height but I was at least 60 pounds heavier than she was. Even losing the weight didn’t make me feel any more likable or lovable. Women have shared with me that they have had plastic surgery trying to look and be better than the other woman and each of them felt the same way, that the surgery didn’t make them feel any more likable or lovable either.
Song of Solomon 4:7b (The Message)
When we feel “less than” many times we feel that we can never again enjoy sex with our husband’s but a marriage will never survive without sex. Sex is very essential because just like communication bonds a wife to her husband, sex bonds a husband to his wife. Sex just is not optional.
It’s such a shame that today’s society puts so much emphasis on the way a person looks on the outside. Society seems to idolize beauty and youth, especially with women and they seem to discard us as we age. For a few years I tried to be like her because that is what I thought my husband wanted. I felt that he didn’t want me anymore because he chooses to step out of our marriage so she must be really special for him to do that, right? Well, that is what I thought so I worked hard at dressing better, losing weight, acting perkier, being funnier, etc. I worked so hard at trying to be like her that I lost who I was and I was angry that I couldn’t be myself anymore. In reality, my husband didn’t want me to be anything like her and he really missed the old me very much. I was finally set free when I realized what I was doing to myself.
Psalm 45:11 (New Living Translation)
If you believe your marriage and the love of your husband can only survive because of how you look then you have a very shallow marriage. We must learn to not look to people for validation of our self-worth, taking their words as our truth. We must learn to rely on the words of truth from our heavenly Father instead! When you look to others for your self-worth and validation you will find it utterly fruitless and exhausting.
Try having some honest, heart-to-heart talks about the role of physical appearance in regards to his love for you and your sex life. No one’s body is perfect as we all end up with saggy boobs, cellulite and wrinkles. When a man sees a woman naked they will get turned on and she does not have to be anywhere near perfect and she doesn’t have to look like those super models that are airbrushed and no one actually really looks like them. Have you seen the photos of women without being airbrushed? If you haven’t, please watch this video I put together.
Today’s Prayer
Dear Lord,
Help me to always put Your truth about who I really am into my mind and heart so that I will not be swayed by other people’s opinions. I know that You are faithful and so worthy of my faith. You will never break Your promises, You will never leave and You will never lie. Teach me to follow You with complete trust and help any of my unbelief. Amen
Related Resources
If you would like more devotionals just for the betrayed spouse, please visit Godly Whispers to purchase the book “Godly Whispers – A 90-Day Devotional To Help You Recover From Your Spouse’s Affair”
You will develop a deeper trust in God, who can control what you cannot. You will be able to get rid of all those “what if” worries as you get a continuing touch of God’s love and goodness. You will experience a strengthening of your self-worth in the face of all the betrayal.
Steps You Can Take:
Make a list of bible verses that you keep with you all the time to review and memorize when you are not feeling worthy.
Pick a verse each week and mediate on it for that week.
Pray to have a strong understanding of just how Jesus sees you.
Reflections:
How can you learn more about how His heart feels towards you?
Where do you draw your strength and identity from?
Can you clearly say who you are in Christ?
Extra Bible Verses:
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10 (New International Version)
“Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.” Ephesians 1:4 (New Living Translation)
“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” Hebrews 4:16 (New Living Translation)
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